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Republicans Accuse Liz Cheney of Reading Constitution

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Outrage swept through the Republican caucus as members of the House G.O.P. accused Representative Liz Cheney of reading the United States Constitution.

Leading the charge was the Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, who called Cheney’s alleged reading of the 1787 document “treasonous.”

“Liz Cheney was so brazen about reading the Constitution that she did not even attempt to hide her tracks,” Gaetz said, noting that she had “flagrantly mentioned the Constitution” in her statement explaining her vote to impeach Donald J. Trump.

For violating the Republicans’ zero-tolerance policy toward Constitution-reading, Gaetz said that Cheney, not Trump, should be immediately impeached.

“Liz Cheney has committed the high crime of reading the Constitution,” Gaetz said. “As God is my witness, that is something I will never do.”

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