To Raise Resilient Kids, Be a Resilient Parent

This, Dr. Markham noted, is the opposite of resilience; instead, it’s a fragile rigidity that leaves both parent and child fearful that outsized emotions could shatter them. In contrast to this fragility, parents who don’t flinch from the power of emotions like anger have a greater capacity to absorb challenging interactions with their children, said … Read more

I Love Throwing My Kids’ Artwork in the Garbage While They’re Sleeping

[Click here to get NYT Parenting in your inbox once a week.] One of the things I found surprising about having children was the sheer volume of stuff they create. Like a particularly aggressive strain of kudzu, their artistic output will invade every room of your home if you don’t battle it back. We have … Read more

Get Your Kids to Go to Sleep — and Stay Asleep — in the Same Room

[The topics new parents are talking about. Evidence-based guidance. Personal stories that matter. Sign up to get the NYT Parenting newsletter every week.] I’m the director of the Pediatric Sleep Center at Yale, and many of the children I see in the sleep clinic for behavioral sleep problems share rooms with siblings. Some families have … Read more

How to Wrap Advice as a Gift a Teenager Might Open

Don’t Make It Personal Our teenagers care what we think about them. Which accounts for how injured they tell me they feel when, out of the blue, their parents approach them with a lecture on the dangers of pain pills, perhaps after watching a frightening documentary about the opioid epidemic. While the adults may feel … Read more

How to Foster Empathy in Children

Last August in Boston, for example, Cradles to Crayons volunteers filled 40,000 backpacks for children across Massachusetts from low-income or homeless families. Parents and children can participate together in such programs, perhaps using this program’s model to establish similar projects in cities elsewhere in the country. With older children, parents might take them to help … Read more

Which Is Better, Rewards or Punishments? Neither

“I feel a sense of dread as bedtime rolls around. Here we go again.” A dad said this in our family therapy office one day, describing his son’s pre-bed antics. The child would go wild as bedtime approached, stubbornly ignoring his parents’ directions and melting down at the mention of pajamas. The parents felt frustrated … Read more

The Maternal Grandparent Advantage

Thus, you hear sorrowful tales like this one of a 72-year-old grandmother whose name I am not using to prevent further discord. She moved to Southern California last year to help her son and his wife with their new baby, her first grandchild. “I expected I’d be hands-on, babysitting in the evenings,” she told me. … Read more

How Childhood Trauma Can Affect Your Long-Term Health

Q. You’ve said that your work on ACEs led you to your husband. What do you mean by that? A. I won’t comment on any of my ex-boyfriends, but I was like — whoa — the type of relationship that I have has a profound impact on my life span and my health. Not just … Read more